THE PAST CAN PLAY TRICKS ON YOU...

There are days that I look at myself and don't think the weight is coming off fast enough.  There are days when I get so frustrated that I still want a drink even though it has been a year.
Then the thoughts of what I used to do come back into my head and I have to fight to not do those again.

Taking diet pills (more in a day than I should have) and making myself throw up so the food didn't digest and eating only 500-800 calories a day.  I tried the cabbage diet, the banana diet, the no-carb diet (this really messed with my hypoglycemia) and the no-sugar diet.  I did  all of these and my weight came back and more.
I didn't WANT to do the work....I wanted the "magic pill" and the "quick fix".  I am NOT a very patient person when it comes to weight loss.   I would work out one day and look in the mirror to see if I lost anything...have you ever done any of these?

I still have a hard time with waiting but I know that hard work....exercise and healthy eating pay off.  I have NEVER felt this good about myself in years.  I can look in the mirror and smile and I am believing in myself again!

WHEN THE PAST COMES BACK AND TRIES TO TRICK ME INTO DOING THE THINGS I USED TO DO....I LOOK AT HOW FAR I HAVE COME AND I THINK OF MY "WHY" WHEN I STARTED THIS JOURNEY AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK...I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE.

ONE DAY AT A TIME....I CAN DO THIS!

The choice is YOURS!

There are good and bad days when you decide to make a change in your life.
So many times I have wanted to give up...so many times I have looked at others and have been envious of their accomplishments and successes.  I ask the question..."Why can't I be like them?"

BUT I AM NOT THEM...I AM ME!

The only one that can make those choices to be better than I was yesterday is ME!  The only one that can get over the pity party is ME!  The only one that can get out of their own head and stop listening to those negative thoughts is ME!  The only one that can keep choosing to move forward is ME!

I can get compliments ALL day about how far I have come and it takes just ONE negative comment to make that all go away.  Why concentrate on one negative when you have tons of positives?  

Everyday I have to CHOOSE to make that decision to keep going.  I have to make that decision to not give up.  I have to make that decision to keep looking ahead.  I have to make that decision to be better than I was yesterday.

SO...WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE???

Another Awakening....BEFORE AND CURRENT PICS

When I first saw a pic of what I looked like...it blew me away!  How could did I get like this???  I was shocked and KNEW I had so do something.

This is the picture I took before I started my second journey on 9/14/14.  I weighed 173.4# and 212 inches all around.  I was disgusted with myself and wanted to cry.
I needed to do something but what?
I talked to a friend of mine who introduced me to this program called Beachbody.  At first I wasn't sure about it but then I thought....what have a I got to loose?  I HAD to do something...I was so embarrassed by how I looked.
So I started this new journey of exercising and eating healthier.
Man was it hard!  I didn't think I could make it through the first week BUT I did.  I made that choice to be better than I was yesterday.

This is where I am now...I have lost a total of 35 inches all around and 20 pounds since my journey began.  It is not just the numbers I look at but how I feel about myself and I can look in the mirror and smile again.
I have only just begun this next journey and I am excited and nervous about what is in the future.
Paying it forward is an amazing thing I can do and I am.

More to come...

Journey continues...

Even though I have been sober for one year I face challenges every day and every day I make that choice whether or not I am going to drink .

 Sure I still crave those feelings I got from drinking...that feeling of what I THOUGHT was freedom of worry and fear.  That feeling of having fun and being the "party girl" everyone loved.  That feeling of being  accepted and feeling good about myself.
So then I start to think that one drink won't hurt but then reality hits me and I KNOW it will.  I don't want to go back to that place where I was because I don't live there anymore.  I don't want to relive the pain and emotions that hit me so hard in the beginning.  It is NOT worth it.

So...I knew I needed to make other changes in my life and NOT let alcohol consume my thoughts.  But what?  What could I do that would help me feel good about myself?  What could I do that would change my mindset?  What could I do that would help me smile again?

I got that answer and fear of another change crept in BUT it was time to start another journey...

More to come...

ONE YEAR...it wasn't easy but I CAN and WILL do this!

Today is my one year anniversary of my sobriety!
I remember that first day and didn't know if I was going to make it or not.  Even the smell of alcohol was hard to handle.

Then 3 months came and that was extremely hard...I thought it would get easier but no.  I was hit with emotions and feelings that I had buried and I felt like I was loosing it.  I was so angry and crying for no reason...what was wrong with me?
I wanted a drink SO bad but I KNEW if I had one sip that would be the end of what I had accomplished.    I refused to go back and start over so I kept moving forward one day at a time....one minute at a time.

Then 6 months came and I was feeling better.  But there were these questions I kept asking myself..."would I ever have fun again...would I ever be able to be myself without alcohol?"

Then 9 months came and my husband and I went to a family reunion and I was so worried that I wasn't going to be able to have fun while others were drinking BUT I did!
My oldest daughter was so proud of me and made a comment that she had not seen me have that much fun in a long time.  That made me feel so good about myself and I knew I could do this!

One year is here and I am so VERY thankful to the support of friends and family. There are still hard days but I know I can do this because I CHOOSE to.  I do NOT want to go back to who I was a year ago.
 I know my limits and I know my triggers...I won't go into a bar because I know I am not ready and it is still hard to go to events with others drinking around me BUT now I know all things are possible and I am on my way!

More to come...

A lot of fear..

When I got home from that meeting there were so many thoughts and feelings going through my mind...the main one was FEAR.

  How was I going to get through this without the comfort of alcohol?  How was I going to be me when I didn't even know who I was?  How was I going to have fun?  Were people going to like me now that I quit...now that I wasn't the "party girl" anymore?  Am I strong enough?  Did I make the right decision?  

Questions kept flooding my mind...

I was so confused and so scared...CAN I DO THIS???

More to come...

First step...

When we got home I decided to talk to a good friend of mine who understood what I was going through.
I explained to her what was going on and was told to go to an alcoholic anonymous meeting.
I didn't want to...I was scared...what would they think of me?  What would I say?
After trying to talk myself out of going...I decided to go to the meeting and I was shaking and in tears...was I doing the right thing?  I pulled up to where the meeting was and wanted to turn the car around so bad and go home but I went in.
As I opened that door...all eyes were on the new person walking through that door.  I wanted to run...I was so scared and wanted a drink REALLY bad!
But everyone there was so nice and understanding of what I was going through...the support they gave me was amazing!
I was relieved that I went but the my journey had only begun...

More to come...