WORDS HAVE A HUGE IMPACT.....STOP THE NEGATIVE! YOU ARE A BLESSING!

Have you heard these things or said them to yourself?

* you are a mistake

* you shouldn't have been born

* you can't do it
* you are going to fail
* you are a pest
* you're not good enough
* nobody likes you
* you are a burden
* she's crying...what's wrong with her this time?
* nobody wants you around
* they feel sorry for you
* you are worthless
* nobody will miss you
* you are nothing

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why are we so mean to ourselves?

The words we hear and say can have such a HUGE impact on our lives.

Everyday we need to make a choice to either love ourselves and keep going OR continue to destroy ourselves and quit.

I used to use alcohol to numb the pain that I was feeling but that is a very lonely place to be even though I thought it was something that felt like freedom...I was so wrong.

We NEED to change our mindset and see ourselves for how awesome and amazing we are!

I am learning to do this and some days it is not easy...some days it is very hard! I am learning to reprogram my thoughts and feelings towards myself.

This past year has been so rewarding and a struggle at the same time BUT I wouldn't go back to where I was....miserable, lonely and I wanted to disappear.

I am so thankful for the choices I have made because now I am able to finally smile and be proud of who I am. I am a work in progress.

Don't let the past, your thoughts and the words of others tear down who you are! YOU DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!

BELIEVE IN YOU! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I AM A SURVIVOR....BREAK THOSE CHAINS THAT HOLD YOU!

I AM A SURVIVOR!

When I started my transformation back in September 2014 I was basing my results on the scale and inches and what people thought.

I hated how I looked back then, I was depressed and wanted to hide, I was so lost and felt so alone...I WAS A PRISONER OF MY OWN SELF! I KNEW I had to break free of those chains that held me in that dark place.

So..I made that choice to change for ME...I tried to change for others but I wasn't ready and I felt incomplete.
It was hard in the beginning but I took that baby step every day and I am so thankful I did! The results are SO much more than a number.

I can look at myself in the mirror and smile! I can stand up and say YES I CAN! I am believing in myself!

Yes...I still struggle and have hard days BUT instead of beating myself up over them...I learn from them. Every day is a new day!

I CHOOSE LIFE! I CHOOSE TO STAY OUT OF THAT PRISON I PUT MYSELF IN!

ADDICTION...WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FREEDOM

Wow...as I look back at this photo before I started my journey I remember I was in a sad and lonely place in my life.
I hated the way I looked, I was so disgusted in myself and I just wanted to hide. How could anyone love me looking like this? How could anyone want to be my friend? I didn't even understand how my husband could love me. I was gross! I was so sure that people were thinking..."How can he be with her?...Ewww!"
I honestly thought people liked me out of pity and didn't really care....So I drank.
Numbing my feelings was..to me...the answer. I could have fun and not worry about how I looked...I thought this was freedom from the pain.
The more I drank the better I felt or didn't feel. This was my way of smothering the hurt and pain I felt towards myself and the past.
I hated it when my family/friends told me I had had enough...who the heck were they to tell me I had had enough! I KNEW when I had had enough!

My awakening came when one day I made a promise and I broke that promise due to my drinking. I was watching my granddaughter and said I would only have one beer...I didn't. I drank everything in the fridge.
I had put my granddaughter at risk because I could only think of that drink I wanted. What if something had happened to her? I couldn't drive and I was not thinking clearly.

I KNEW I needed help and I went to my first meeting. It was one of the hardest things I have done and I am still dealing with the feelings I had locked up for so long...I hated it and still do!
There are days that I want a drink SO bad but then I ask myself..."Do you really want to go back to that place?"
I have to choose everyday whether or not I will give in to that bottle or stay strong.
March 22nd, 2014 is my day of true freedom and I am going to keep going one day at a time!

FAILURE ISN'T FINAL...LEARN FROM IT...KEEP GOING!

There have been so many times that I started something and quit because I didn't do it right, didn't get the outcome I wanted or didn't pass a test, etc.  I felt like a failure so I thought why bother even trying.

I have struggled with this mindset for years and still do. 

 BUT the difference is I am learning how to change that mindset and learn from my failures.   I keep going and finding different ways to improve INSTEAD of quitting.  One way doesn't work...then try a different way.

 IF YOU WANT TO REACH YOUR GOALS AND YOUR DREAMS BAD ENOUGH...YOU WILL KEEP TRYING!

There are famous people who failed over and over and over....did they quit?  Did they give up?  I am sure they felt like it BUT they didn't.   They have bad days and hard days just like you and me.  But they refused to give up....they learned from their failures and kept going!

So...I ask myself every day..."How bad do you want this?"  "Are you going to do what it takes to reach that goal?"  "Are you going to do what it takes to reach that dream?"  

My answer is yes and even if I have a setback or a hard day...I need to dig deep and keep going! 

What do you choose?

IS THIS FOR YOU OR FOR THEM?

When it comes to making changes in our lives whether it be fitness, eating healthier, an addiction etc. 

 Who are we doing it for?  

Are we making those changes to impress our friends, boss, family or just people in general?  When we look for that gratification from others sometimes it can be very rewarding other times it can be very painful.  

There is nothing wrong with getting compliments or high fives or others being proud of us BUT if that is the ONLY reason you are wanting to change or begin a journey because people want you to...ask yourself this...

Who am I doing this for?  

I have been down that road of wanting to change and please others but it was never fulfilling and I was never truly happy UNTIL I CHOSE TO CHANGE FOR ME!  I had to make that decision because I wanted to and I felt in my heart I NEEDED to.  

There were so many times I tried to change for someone else and each time I wasn't ready.  I thought that if I changed for my husband or for someone else it would be okay but I wasn't making that decision for me...I was making that decision for them.  

When you make the choice to change or start a journey...PLEASE remember to ask yourself and be honest with yourself...

IS THIS FOR ME OR THEM?

FLUSH THOSE FEARS AND DOUBTS!!!

Do you ever have your fears and doubts keep you from your dreams and goals?  I know I do.

They are like roadblocks stopping me in my tracks.  When those fears and doubts start consuming my thoughts...I freeze.  I start to get worried, scared and question what I am doing.  

I stop living and believing in myself.  And the only one it hurts is me...I put up a wall and want to run and hide.  My family and friends wonder what is going on and I worry about what they would think.   I throw myself a little pity party and then just shut down.  

BUT WHEN THIS HAPPENS...

I dig deeper...I remember my "why" I started this journey in the first place AND I look at how far I have come.  WHY would I want to throw away what I have worked so hard for?  WHY would I want to go back to the way I was feeling before?  I was miserable and felt so alone.  

So...when those doubts and fears hit you like a ton of bricks....STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND FIGHT!  Flush those thoughts and fears down the toilet because you are stronger than you think and you CAN do this!!! 

INSTEAD OF I CAN'T...SAY "HELL YES I CAN!"

MORE OF MY STORY....I AM A SURVIVOR!

This wasn't easy but I wanted to be real with you...