YOUR JOURNEY IS YOUR OWN...NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S

I remember before I started my journey FOR ME I would try to change for others.  I wanted their approval and I was so worried and scared that if I didn't I would be a disappointment to them.
I would try over and over to be someone I wasn't just to make others happy but in the mean time I was miserable.  Would I ever make that choice for me???

That time came in 2014 when I decided to make those changes FOR ME.  I had to be ready....I had to make that decision to change and I NEEDED to take that first step for me.

Having others be proud of you and be happy for you is an amazing feeling BUT if that is your main reason for changing than your not doing it for you.  You HAVE to look deep inside yourself and make that choice to take that first step in your journey.

This past year and a half has been full of ups and downs but knowing that I made that decision to change for me is so rewarding and fulfilling.  My journey is not over and not everyone will understand it but that's okay....it is mine NOT theirs.

18 MONTHS SOBER!

18 MONTHS SOBER!!!
I remember that day that I first walked into a meeting...I was so scared and wanted to run. I had no idea what was in store for me and I didn't know what I was going to do with the feelings and emotions I had bottled up for years.
The first 6 months were very hard...I was angry, frustrated, confused and cried. I didn't want to deal with the feelings and emotions coming out...all I wanted to do was grab a drink to numb myself...but I didn't.
There are days I am okay and there are days I struggle...but I have to remember why I walked into that meeting and I have to remember how far I have come.
I am an alcoholic and I CAN do this...one day at a time!

"MY WHY"...TAKING THAT FIRST STEP

BE SOMEONE ELSE OR BE YOU??? THE CHOICE IS YOURS

So many times I have been afraid of being me.  I worry about what people think and what people would say.
The "IF ONLY'S" would creep into my mind and I would try so hard to change to be the person others thought I should be.  I would focus so much on what everyone else wanted and what others were doing that I was losing sight of who I was.  I would get frustrated, angry and cry wondering what was wrong with me.

I would see what others were doing and tried to be like them...jealously and envy started to cloud my mind and all I could think about was what I needed to change about myself that would work.  The more I tried to be like someone else...the more I was stopping me from being who I was...my mindset sucked!

I am starting to realize that the only person I can be is ME!  I am one of a kind and a daily work in progress.  All I can do is be better that I was yesterday and keep going for my dreams and follow my heart.

I CHOOSE TO BE ME...I DARE TO BE DIFFERENT!

What do you choose???

WORDS HAVE A HUGE IMPACT.....STOP THE NEGATIVE! YOU ARE A BLESSING!

Have you heard these things or said them to yourself?

* you are a mistake

* you shouldn't have been born

* you can't do it
* you are going to fail
* you are a pest
* you're not good enough
* nobody likes you
* you are a burden
* she's crying...what's wrong with her this time?
* nobody wants you around
* they feel sorry for you
* you are worthless
* nobody will miss you
* you are nothing

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why are we so mean to ourselves?

The words we hear and say can have such a HUGE impact on our lives.

Everyday we need to make a choice to either love ourselves and keep going OR continue to destroy ourselves and quit.

I used to use alcohol to numb the pain that I was feeling but that is a very lonely place to be even though I thought it was something that felt like freedom...I was so wrong.

We NEED to change our mindset and see ourselves for how awesome and amazing we are!

I am learning to do this and some days it is not easy...some days it is very hard! I am learning to reprogram my thoughts and feelings towards myself.

This past year has been so rewarding and a struggle at the same time BUT I wouldn't go back to where I was....miserable, lonely and I wanted to disappear.

I am so thankful for the choices I have made because now I am able to finally smile and be proud of who I am. I am a work in progress.

Don't let the past, your thoughts and the words of others tear down who you are! YOU DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE!

BELIEVE IN YOU! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I AM A SURVIVOR....BREAK THOSE CHAINS THAT HOLD YOU!

I AM A SURVIVOR!

When I started my transformation back in September 2014 I was basing my results on the scale and inches and what people thought.

I hated how I looked back then, I was depressed and wanted to hide, I was so lost and felt so alone...I WAS A PRISONER OF MY OWN SELF! I KNEW I had to break free of those chains that held me in that dark place.

So..I made that choice to change for ME...I tried to change for others but I wasn't ready and I felt incomplete.
It was hard in the beginning but I took that baby step every day and I am so thankful I did! The results are SO much more than a number.

I can look at myself in the mirror and smile! I can stand up and say YES I CAN! I am believing in myself!

Yes...I still struggle and have hard days BUT instead of beating myself up over them...I learn from them. Every day is a new day!

I CHOOSE LIFE! I CHOOSE TO STAY OUT OF THAT PRISON I PUT MYSELF IN!

ADDICTION...WHAT I THOUGHT WAS FREEDOM

Wow...as I look back at this photo before I started my journey I remember I was in a sad and lonely place in my life.
I hated the way I looked, I was so disgusted in myself and I just wanted to hide. How could anyone love me looking like this? How could anyone want to be my friend? I didn't even understand how my husband could love me. I was gross! I was so sure that people were thinking..."How can he be with her?...Ewww!"
I honestly thought people liked me out of pity and didn't really care....So I drank.
Numbing my feelings was..to me...the answer. I could have fun and not worry about how I looked...I thought this was freedom from the pain.
The more I drank the better I felt or didn't feel. This was my way of smothering the hurt and pain I felt towards myself and the past.
I hated it when my family/friends told me I had had enough...who the heck were they to tell me I had had enough! I KNEW when I had had enough!

My awakening came when one day I made a promise and I broke that promise due to my drinking. I was watching my granddaughter and said I would only have one beer...I didn't. I drank everything in the fridge.
I had put my granddaughter at risk because I could only think of that drink I wanted. What if something had happened to her? I couldn't drive and I was not thinking clearly.

I KNEW I needed help and I went to my first meeting. It was one of the hardest things I have done and I am still dealing with the feelings I had locked up for so long...I hated it and still do!
There are days that I want a drink SO bad but then I ask myself..."Do you really want to go back to that place?"
I have to choose everyday whether or not I will give in to that bottle or stay strong.
March 22nd, 2014 is my day of true freedom and I am going to keep going one day at a time!