STOP AND REMEMBER YOUR WHY...KEEP GOING!

In March of 2014 I decided that I needed to make some HUGE changes in my life and one was quit drinking.  I knew I had a problem when all I could think about was that first drink and how fast I could get that buzz.  When my husband was gone I drank as much as I could as fast as I could in the time I had...I even made myself sick to drink more and the cooking sherry didn't have a chance.  
One of the hardest but also rewarding journeys in my life and YES I still have hard days BUT I REMEMBER WHY I STARTED AND HOW FAR I HAVE COME and that keeps me going!

In September of 2014 I started thinking about another change I NEEDED to make in my life BUT I kept making excuses about why I shouldn't take care of myself..."it is too hard" "I don't have time" and the big one "it costs too much."
But then I saw a pic of myself and wanted to cry. I was embarrassed and disgusted with myself...why did I let myself get like this? I was so damn stubborn that I could not and would not see what I was doing to myself. 
Then in September of last year I FINALLY decided to take that first step and I am so very thankful I did.
YES...I was worried about the cost BUT I looked through our budget and saved up and took that first step and I will NEVER go back! How I feel now compared to how I felt then is a BIG DIFFERENCE.
Has it been hard?...YES! Have I wanted to give up?...YES! Do I have bad days?...YES! BUT I REMEMBER WHY I STARTED AND HOW FAR I HAVE COME.
The feeling of being able to look in the mirror and smile is so huge! Knowing that I am taking care of ME is the best UNSELFISH thing I can do!
This journey has been filled with triumphs and trials BUT I refuse to go back and be the person I once was!
WE ARE ALL ON A JOURNEY....WHERE IS YOURS TAKING YOU?

GIVE UP OR KEEP GOING?

The past couple of weeks have been hard....I have not been doing my workouts and my eating stinks.  What should I do?

I have two choices...
1.  Quit and go on with my life
2.  Get up off my butt and remember why I started and keep going

Which one do I choose?
*The first one sounds so much easier and what I am used to
*The second one sounds harder BUT I know I would regret it

WHICH ONE?

Well...I choose the second...why?   Because I remember what it was like to quit before and I hated that feeling.
WHY would I want to go back to where I was?  WHY would I want to stop moving forward just because of hard days?  WHY would I want to give up on me?  WHY would I want to stop being better than I was yesterday?

I NEED to remember why I started.  I NEED to remember how I felt back then and keep going.  I NEED to quit sabotaging myself with my own thoughts.  I NEED to remember that I make my own choices.  I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT I AM DOING THIS FOR ME!!!

DO NOT FEED THE FEARS...KEEP GOING!

I KNEW that this is what I wanted to do but doubts kept flooding my head.  Would my journey help others...can I really do this???

I have always been afraid of being me and I kept thinking that being like everyone else was better than being who I am.  It was really hard to get out of my comfort zone and start sharing my struggles and taking that step of faith.

It did get easier but there were days that the doubts and fears would be overwhelming...I HAD to get out of my own head and keep doing what I loved to do.  Helping others and paying it forward was something I really cared about.

I had two choices...
1.  Continue feeding the fears and stop following my dream OR
2.  Continue to share my journey and help others believe and love themselves again
WHICH ONE SHOULD I CHOOSE???

I chose number 2 because I was NOT going to let my fear and doubts continue to stop me like it has done for years.  I KNEW that I was becoming a better person inside and out and I did not want to go back.  Even if it took one day at a time or one minute at a time...I was going to keep going!

I WAS NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON ME!

More to come...

THE JOB THAT CHANGED MY LIFE...

I prayed and prayed about this new journey I was going to go on and the door stayed open so I thought I would give it a try.

I was so scared and wondered "would I make a difference?"  I started to work on me and make my own transformation and share with others.  In the process I started to see and hear people believing in themselves and accomplishing their goals was and is such a blessing!

To be a part of an amazing family and to have such caring and loving people in my life is amazing and at first I felt like I was in a dream.

I cannot tell you how much this opportunity that came into my life has helped me change on the outside and inside.  To be a part of such an incredible group of people is awe inspiring.  My heart is so full of blessings!

I am so thankful for the choice I made but like any other job it comes with hard days...can I do this?

More to come...

DARE TO DREAM...

I tried different jobs here and there but none of them gave me what I wanted....loving my job.

I wanted something where I could help others, work from home and have the freedom to take a day off if I wanted BUT did a job like that exist?  The other jobs I tried to do from home were just not what I was looking for.

I kept praying and hoping that a job like this would come my way but I kept thinking "yeah right..in your dreams!"  Would I ever find what I was looking for?

Then a friend of mine told me about this GREAT opportunity that (again) sounded too good to be true.  BUT there was something different about this one....I couldn't get it out of my mind no matter how hard I tried and EVERY time I prayed about it...boom...there it was.

I was still very nervous and scared but I thought since it keeps popping into my head..."why not?"

So I did!

Let the journey begin...

More to come...

LEAVING A JOB I LOVED BUT SUPRISES AROUND THE CORNER...

After being released from the surgeries in 2011 I needed to think about going back to work but I couldn't do what I had done before....I had to be careful how much I lifted.

I had been an EMT (emergency medical technician) before and I decided to get my training current and get back to that.  I loved the medical field and helping others.  I was really excited.  :-)

My training was all caught up and now I could sign up to be on call again.  I really enjoyed being an EMT and even took the job as head supervisor.  Well..the agency was having some problems so they brought in an outside person to help and made it to where other emt's could apply for the head supervisor position.

There were two of us (myself and another person) who applied for the job.  I decided since this person was newer than me and had some really good ideas to go ahead and step down and give them the position.  It was going to be a nice change.

Things started off great until this person decided that "it was his way or the highway" which did not set well with some of us since this was a volunteer job as well.  He was very close to being like another boss I had had but not as bad tempered.  He did not like it when anyone (especially the emt's who had been there over 5 years) would give him advice or ask him questions which he felt undermined his authority.

He felt like he had should have control on any scene even if it was another agency's like the fire and police department.  He wanted to be in charge period and I did NOT want to work for someone who would not respect the other agencies...after all we were all a TEAM and wanted to help others.

It took me over a year of praying and having God guide me to make up my mind and I decided to leave the EMS (emergence medical services).  I was going to miss it but I knew in my heart that I couldn't stay.  Everything I did was being questioned and I was not happy...I was even told to retake the course and I didn't have to.

So...now that I had left the job I really loved...what now?  Would I find another job that I loved as much as that one?

More to come...

2011...WHAT A ROUGH YEAR!

I loved my new job and being able to help with the finances.  BUT here come some challenges...

One evening I noticed something weird and asked my husband to please come here.  Well....we didn't know what was going on so off to the doctor I went.  To put it in simple words...my insides were falling.

Off to surgery #1.....I got a 3 for 1 deal.  I found out my bladder and  rectal wall had fallen (I apologize if that was too much information) AND I had a 3-inch hernia...oh goodie.  Recovering went well as long as I behaved myself..which wasn't easy.  Back to work I went once I got the doctor's release.

Then one night I starting noticing that the pressure in my head got worse and worse when I laid down.  I have had this before but not this bad.  So I went to the doctor and explained what was going on and a CT was done but they wanted more of a detailed picture so an MRI was scheduled.   They had found a brain aneurysm behind my left eye.

Off to surgery #2...we had to travel to Seattle which is about a 6 hour drive to get this taken care of.   I had two choices to have it coiled (which is a little wire that goes up my femoral artery and they wrap the aneurysm) or clipped (which is having a piece of my skull removed and then the aneurysm is cut).  It wasn't that big so the clipping sounded better and the recovery time was shorter.

As soon as I was healed and had the doctor's release...back to work I went again.

Then I was at work and noticed pain radiating from my neck down to my left arm and my left hand going numb.  It was so uncomfortable and painful that it was hard to work or sleep.  One day I was taking the dishes out of the dishwasher and put them on the counter..when I did that I felt a pop in my neck and AWFUL pain.
I was in tears to the point of calling someone from the next shift in early to go to the doctor.  They gave me a toradol shot and that helped a little but the pain would not stop.
So off to see the doctor once again and I was referred to a specialist in spokane.  They did x-rays and found that I had a ruptured disk, bone spurs and nerve damage.

Off to surgery #3...it was during the holiday season when I got this surgery and I got to come home on Thanksgiving from Spokane...which was a 2.5 to 3 hour drive.  Longest drive home ever!
I had 6 screws, a metal plate and a piece of my thigh bone put in my neck to strengthen it again.  I had to wear a cervical collar for 6-8 weeks 24/7.   It was so uncomfortable.

I had to be very careful how much I did and how much I lifted...the recovery time was long and boring.

I went back to work but it wasn't for very long...I just couldn't take the chance of further injury and had to be careful.  It wasn't a pleasant experience leaving but I did what I had to do.

The year of 2011 was very hard and not my idea of getting time off...not my idea of a vacation.

Now that I was out of work...what do I do now???

More to come...