Wow...as I look back at this photo before I started my journey I remember I was in a sad and lonely place in my life.
I hated the way I looked, I was so disgusted in myself and I just wanted to hide. How could anyone love me looking like this? How could anyone want to be my friend? I didn't even understand how my husband could love me. I was gross! I was so sure that people were thinking..."How can he be with her?...Ewww!"
I honestly thought people liked me out of pity and didn't really care....So I drank.
Numbing my feelings was..to me...the answer. I could have fun and not worry about how I looked...I thought this was freedom from the pain.
The more I drank the better I felt or didn't feel. This was my way of smothering the hurt and pain I felt towards myself and the past.
I hated it when my family/friends told me I had had enough...who the heck were they to tell me I had had enough! I KNEW when I had had enough!
I hated the way I looked, I was so disgusted in myself and I just wanted to hide. How could anyone love me looking like this? How could anyone want to be my friend? I didn't even understand how my husband could love me. I was gross! I was so sure that people were thinking..."How can he be with her?...Ewww!"
I honestly thought people liked me out of pity and didn't really care....So I drank.
Numbing my feelings was..to me...the answer. I could have fun and not worry about how I looked...I thought this was freedom from the pain.
The more I drank the better I felt or didn't feel. This was my way of smothering the hurt and pain I felt towards myself and the past.
I hated it when my family/friends told me I had had enough...who the heck were they to tell me I had had enough! I KNEW when I had had enough!
My awakening came when one day I made a promise and I broke that promise due to my drinking. I was watching my granddaughter and said I would only have one beer...I didn't. I drank everything in the fridge.
I had put my granddaughter at risk because I could only think of that drink I wanted. What if something had happened to her? I couldn't drive and I was not thinking clearly.
I had put my granddaughter at risk because I could only think of that drink I wanted. What if something had happened to her? I couldn't drive and I was not thinking clearly.
I KNEW I needed help and I went to my first meeting. It was one of the hardest things I have done and I am still dealing with the feelings I had locked up for so long...I hated it and still do!
There are days that I want a drink SO bad but then I ask myself..."Do you really want to go back to that place?"
I have to choose everyday whether or not I will give in to that bottle or stay strong.
March 22nd, 2014 is my day of true freedom and I am going to keep going one day at a time!
There are days that I want a drink SO bad but then I ask myself..."Do you really want to go back to that place?"
I have to choose everyday whether or not I will give in to that bottle or stay strong.
March 22nd, 2014 is my day of true freedom and I am going to keep going one day at a time!
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