Yes...I went to church and knew what it was all about BUT I wasn't ready....going to church was a way for me to get out of the house and escape the pain that was there.
Friends and I would go on down to the local 7-Eleven and play some pinball or just hang out and then head back to church for the ride home.
*First thing...I started to lose weight and not in a good way. There were these diet pills called dexatrim...they should have labeled them speed. Instead of one a day I took 4-5 a day and man was I feeling good...not hungry at all.
BUT if I did eat....no problem. I would make myself get sick so I wouldn't have to worry about that. I mean...guys liked thin girls and that is how I get attention.
I felt that if I was skinny enough and pretty enough I would be accepted and get what I wanted...love and attention
*Second thing...I needed to start partying and that was when I started drinking and smoking. I tried pot but didn't care for it very much but then I tried acid and that I really liked!
Here was another way I could get attention....I didn't care at that time if I was changing who I was to be part of a crowd...at least I had friends.
*Third thing....this one was the hardest but I did it anyway. My boyfriend at the time told me if I didn't sleep with him that he had a friend of his that would. He got mad at me for saying no and left to go be with her. I was so upset and afraid that I was going to lose him that I called him and begged him to come back and yes I would sleep with him.
I felt used and disgusted in myself...but I did not stop. I wanted to be accepted and I wanted that attention so bad.....I would do what I had to to keep it.
More to come...
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