So...it was getting to the point where all I could think about was drinking.  I would wake up and want a drink, I wouldn't go to bed until I had a drink, I would run out of alcohol and drink whatever I could find including our nyquil and cooking sherry.
I wouldn't stop even after I threw up...I would drink more just to keep that buzz I wanted so much.
I didn't care how silly I looked... I didn't care that I couldn't walk straight.. I didn't care if I passed out or if I had a terrible hangover the next day.  I NEEDED that drink!
My drinking kept me from feeling the pain and fear that would get so overwhelming....I NEEDED that numb feeling....I NEEDED to escape!
I was so scared to be me for fear of rejection that drinking was the only solution I could think of to stop these thoughts and emotions.
And still I would NOT admit that I had a problem.  I kept telling myself that I had this under control and I could stop whenever I wanted.
Then came the day that reality HIT me in the head...

More to come...